.october. why did you have to touch me signal some stirring that had finally begun to lay dormant? why did you have to creep away wordlessly, without caution, just as i though i could once again bend to you? how confusing, all of this. you've made me rethink everything; my world, my touch, and all of those useless emotions dancing around my heart. who am i? everyone has always known who you you are. you are the psychotic one. you are the musician. you are the one that frightens the weary people away. what am i? the girl at your side with no talents of her own. i am faceless, expressionless. lately i feel that i am becoming to lose my soul as well. I'm slowly becoming nothing, trapped here without inspiration or growth, this girl kept mute by your side. I'm awake at dawn; tonight I have not slept. Outside, the seagulls are scavenging for a morning snack. The sun feels hot already. In my delerium, I want to be outside and witness the grace of a new day. I feel my mind beginning to slumber again; my hand clutching the pen begins to slacken and lose grace. My heart yearns for excitement, begs for me not to let this day occur as just another repitition, break this cycle of sloth and nonproductive thought. Today, my heart and mind scream out in unison 'be something! Today, at post dawn, I begin to sense a glimmer of talent, a deep yawning from the lately uninspired pit of inspiration that aches within me. But first, I will sleep. I will dream my usual delusions of grandeur and I will guide my journeys. I will seek out my fears, and I will remember. TOday, I will not slip easily into unconsciousness. this is the second time that this has happened. do i ever scream words toward you that make you rethink your values, your entire being? do i ever make you feel that you're nothing inside, that you have no value, that anything you do isn't important enough to be noticed by anyone but me? i'm tired of the way you wear me down. Looking out the window, I see trees swaying and damp streetlights stretching toward damp Earth. I am thinking of destruction: of terrorists and hurricanes, of dreadful diseases that we, being only human, inflict upon ourselves. I'm thinking of death, quick as a silvery flash of lightening in a 2AM sky. I think of the last moments: of friends gathering a reddened eyes silently worrying over secret, absent souls. I see people gathering in distant halls, and isolated souls at home, gazing only at sealed glass panes - cautious, awaiting a sign. They are all awaiting an omen of their last breath of life.